I've come to the US, I've learned the US, I've loved the US, and now I have to go back to France. But I won't go without a fight. I've decided to play pretend and bring America back with me. This is me living my American life outside of America.
Monday, March 22, 2010
I got news, some good, and some baaaad....
Ok, I've been wanting to do many posts, as I've done all the things I said I would do. I lusted over Rob in Remember Me, over Kristen in The Runaways, I really enjoyed my afternoon at an indie theater watching The Yellow Handkerchief, and I've now seen all the freakin' Eclipse spoilers and New Moon deleted scenes. I really really wanted to write about it. I had a lot to say too. But I had much more fun reading and commenting on other people's blogs, I ended up not seeing the point in repeating myself here. I'll just say it again: I LOVED THE RUNAWAYS (despite the crappy conditions at the NYC advance screening.). I can't stop singing "I love playing with fire"...
Ok, for the good news know: 99 days till Eclipse! (that 100+ was starting to be depressing).
For the bads new, now, on June 30th, I'll be ON THE PLANE BACK TO FRANCE!!!! I thought I'd hit the bottom after going to a New Moon DVD release party that didn' t happen because I was the only one to show up. But no. I somehow managed to find a new low. My life sucks in ways that I could never have imagined.
Sorry, Grandpa Edward doesn't turn me on (but Rob still does)
Finally, it's here, the Eclipse trailer all the fans, including myself, have been dying to see!
And I have to say, it seems to me the plot sticks to the book's, I'm relieved. (It crushed my heart when half of the scenes I have a fetish for didn't make the transition from Twilight the book to Twilight the movie).
So before we talk about the things that, eh... , are not so good, I'll let you watch the trailer again:
Like many, I'm sure, I kinda giggled at the make-up a few times when I first saw Twilight (the first one). I made fun at Catherine Hardwicke's vision of the blue air in Forks, the red-eared vampires, blue-skinned Bella, etc. Ok, that's not entirely true: I still do. Every time I watch it, I find it cheesy. And what to say of the peacoat, with the propped up collar, and the perfectly tousled/hightlighted 4inch high hair on Edward's head?
Two pale but good-looking people. He happens to have golden eyes. She's translucent-skinned.
Like many people, I was curious to see if it would be better, when I learned Catherine would not direct the second installment. Be careful what you wish for, they say.
Well dear Catherine, please accept my belated apology. I'm sorry. I was wrong, you were right. Overwhelming cheesiness, at which I shrug in front of people to hide how much I wish I was 15 again, was just concealing the amazing job you did at producing the perfect image of the book I loved. Yes, you used blue lens filters throughout the movie. So what? It shows perfectly what's described in the book, and I've actually lived in places where it looks like that half the time. You made me dream about Robward more often than I'm willing to publicly acknowledge. You made me buy the palest shade of mineral foundation I could find, and take it easy on the bronzer. You made me wear headbands again.
Now this, from the Eclipse trailer, I have a problem with:
WTF DID THEY DO TO EDWARD????!!!!
I know morticians who would have done a better job! (maybe that's who they called to do his make-up, because he sure doesn't look like something alive enough for me to fantasize about. I'm not into necrophilia, thank you very much, but no thanks.).
I'm a little unfair, actually, because it all started in New Moon. I don't know if you've read this interview, where the costume designer says she was really careful choosing Edward's costume for New Moon, because it's what we would see him in for most of the movie, and it had to be perfect. Well I've got news for you: it wasn't! It actually really sucked. Looked like the way my grandpa dresses, and he's senile.
17? yeah, right.... Edward you look sick. Not "Whoa, a million bucks? that's sick, bro!", but "I-have-Ebola-I'm-shitting-my-guts-I'm-gonna-die-sick."
I'd hoped that they would have done a better job in Eclipse, but after seeing the trailer, I'm scared. It's even worse than in New Moon. Orange eyes? WTF?! And I tremendously regret the make-up from Twilight. What did they do to him? Cover him in grease and dip him in flour? Please give us the sculpted eyebrows, the red ears, and the grey peacoat from the first movie back!
Hot Edward, please, come back!
As for Bella's look, I'm devastated. What a terrible, terrible wig.
But that's not all. And again, this is true for New Moon too: Bella's supposed to be pale. Did they spray tan her or what? We know Kristen's paler than pale in real life. Why TF did they make her up into an Alyssa Milano look-alike?
Alyssa? Is that you? WTF?!
So again, Kristen, I will always love you. You can drop awards on stage, pole dance for the Sopranos' guy, cough at the Oscars, fuck Ryan Reynolds, and rock out with a mullet, I'll still love you. (oh wait, you already did?)
In my quest to become a true American, or maybe out of sheer boredom, I've recently started mimicking the behavior of any desperate teenage fangirl the american way. Except my age is closer to 30 than it is to KStew's. Does that make me pathetic? Maybe. The good news is, thanks to this blog, I can pretend I'm just doing it for the sake of sociological purposes, in order to maximize my american experience. (Trust me, if you were going to live in a country where movies open 3 months after the US premiere, and where the dubbed voices make you want to tear your hair out, you would want to delve into the authentic fan experience before leaving too.
And the truth is, I am soooo excited for the next few weeks, I could celebrate-dance naked in the street!
It starts Tonight with my First Girl Crush Ever (and remember, I'm not a teenager anymore), the wonderful Kristen Stewart on Jay Leno.
Tomorrow, Eclipse Trailer. (I'm actually wheezing with excitement)
On Friday, I'm going to see Remember Me. (Wheezing gets worse)
On Saturday, I'm going to see The Yellow Handkerchief (still hasn't opened where I live).
Friday march 19th, New Moon DVD release party at Borders (and I'm not even ashamed to be going by myself, although it sucks not having anyone to share the moment with).
Friday March 19th or April 9th, depends on which day it comes to my theater, THE RUNAWAYS! (OMG I can't wait!!!!)
In the meantime, I'll keep checking compulsively all the Twilight related blogs and staring at my Twitter for more news and contests (which I always enter and somehow never win).
As I'm pretty sure I already mentioned, (first, because I only wrote one post so far and it's easy to check, second, because more than half the times I've opened my mouth for the last months it was to talk about something Twilight-related) I am an obsessed twitard. I've been Twi-smacked for months, and it's not getting better. Just like everyone else out there, can't stop reading the books, can't help but watch the movie again and again.
And while it's established that Robward completely deserves the title of Living God of Hotness, I figure it might be safe to diversify my interests, just in case... I have a deep fondness for two undersung characters from Twilight, the movie: Buttcrack Santa, and Shotgun Charlie. We all know what happened to slightly pathetic Buttcrack Santa and he kinda deserved it for making Christmas scary to a whole generation of Forks children. Anyway, sorry Buttcrack Santa, but from your attire to your singing voice, eh, you're just not gonna cut it. So I chose to draw my inspiration from Bella's Dad, aka Shotgun Charlie.
"Alright, bring him in!"
Now I may be mistaken, but in my Twilight-obsessed, american-loving, cowboy-wannabe brain, Charlie in the movie is so IT. He's one of the few characters that actually benefited from the transition from book to movie. Thank God they didn't cast John C. Reilly as Stephenie Meyer envisioned! Although he totally cracks me up with his buddy Will Ferrell, I somehow just don't see him in Twilight. Billy Burke presents the added bonus that he's totally more than doable (ok, I'll admit it more willingly, Charlie you rock and you're sexy sexy, there's just somethin' about the porn 'stache...), and he actually comes way ahead of some of the vamps and many of the “legal age” wolves on my list of next targets for when Robward officially turns me down (can't say he doesn't want me before he's actually said no, can I?).
Okay, as far as chief-of-police, -small- town,- plaid -shirts sexiness goes, Charlie's got us covered. Now, it might be the european-city-born-and-raised bitch in me talking, but should he really be mixing this
(I love how the girl is about to introduce her boyfriend to her completely oblivious Dad who's playing with firearms at that very instant, and yet, she thinks the best thing to do is bring him more alcohol just in case the first beer didn't do its job.)
It reminds me of a store I saw in Arizona (I think):
"Booze, bows, bullets, but no public restroom, now come in and buy ammo and booze!"
They even drew little pictures in case you already have the booze, and are too wasted to read; even totally drunk, you can see still see this rooftop sign from far away, and pull in to get a gun.
"Come hither, you drunken public danger..."
Damn, I love Twilight, I love my namesake Charlie, and I love this country!
This blog is my last shot at sanity. I've been living in the United States for 2.5 years now, I don't have a job, I don't go to school -as a matter of fact, I don't have a reason whatsoever to ever go anywhere- and still, I've fallen in love with this country. Now that my time here is up, I've decided that I'm going to spend my last four months in America preparing myself, hoarding stuff, learning tricks, so that when I'm back to France I can pretend to myself that I'm still here, learning cool language, watching nifty TV shows undubbed, the year they were meant to be watched, and following my own little american agenda. One thing you should be aware of before reading the rest: I am obsessed with Twilight. I literally spend more than half my vaguely active time looking for Twilight related stuff to read, to view, or to buy on the internet. So I might be writing a lot about that... I am a huge dork and, oh, have I mentioned that my closest friend ,geographically speaking, lives 4000 miles away from me? (yep, I don't have much of a social life, hence the last shot at sanity bit). So in the highly unlikely event somebody actually reads this, welcome, my friend, make yourself at home!