Monday, March 8, 2010

Could have been Buttcrack Santa...

As I'm pretty sure I already mentioned, (first, because I only wrote one post so far and it's easy to check, second, because more than half the times I've opened my mouth for the last months it was to talk about something Twilight-related) I am an obsessed twitard. I've been Twi-smacked for months, and it's not getting better. Just like everyone else out there, can't stop reading the books, can't help but watch the movie again and again. 

And while it's established that Robward completely deserves the title of Living God of Hotness, I figure it might be safe to diversify my interests, just in case... I have a deep fondness for two undersung characters from Twilight, the movie: Buttcrack Santa, and Shotgun Charlie. We all know what happened to slightly pathetic Buttcrack Santa and he kinda deserved it for making Christmas scary to a whole generation of Forks children.  Anyway, sorry Buttcrack Santa, but from your attire to your singing voice, eh, you're just not gonna cut it. So I chose to draw my inspiration from Bella's Dad, aka Shotgun Charlie.

"Alright, bring him in!"

Now I may be mistaken, but in my Twilight-obsessed, american-loving, cowboy-wannabe brain, Charlie in the movie is so IT. He's one of the few characters that actually benefited from the transition from book to movie. Thank God they didn't cast John C. Reilly as Stephenie Meyer envisioned! Although he totally cracks me up with his buddy Will Ferrell, I somehow just don't see him in Twilight. Billy Burke presents the added bonus that he's totally more than doable (ok, I'll admit it more willingly, Charlie you rock and you're sexy sexy, there's just somethin' about the porn 'stache...), and he actually comes way ahead of some of the vamps and many of the “legal age” wolves on my list of next targets for when Robward officially turns me down (can't say he doesn't want me before he's actually said no, can I?).

Okay, as far as chief-of-police, -small- town,- plaid -shirts sexiness goes, Charlie's got us covered. Now, it might be the european-city-born-and-raised bitch in me talking, but should he really be mixing this


and this


(I love how the girl is about to introduce her boyfriend to her completely oblivious Dad who's playing with firearms at that very instant, and yet, she thinks the best thing to do is bring him more alcohol just in case the first beer didn't do its job.)

It reminds me of a store I saw in Arizona (I think):

"Booze, bows, bullets, but no public restroom, now come in and buy ammo and booze!"

They even drew little pictures in case you already have the booze, and are too wasted to read; even totally drunk, you can see still see this rooftop sign from far away, and pull in to get a gun.

"Come hither, you drunken public danger..."

Damn, I love Twilight, I love my namesake Charlie, and I love this country!

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