I've come to the US, I've learned the US, I've loved the US, and now I have to go back to France. But I won't go without a fight. I've decided to play pretend and bring America back with me. This is me living my American life outside of America.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Sorry, Grandpa Edward doesn't turn me on (but Rob still does)
Finally, it's here, the Eclipse trailer all the fans, including myself, have been dying to see!
And I have to say, it seems to me the plot sticks to the book's, I'm relieved. (It crushed my heart when half of the scenes I have a fetish for didn't make the transition from Twilight the book to Twilight the movie).
So before we talk about the things that, eh... , are not so good, I'll let you watch the trailer again:
Like many, I'm sure, I kinda giggled at the make-up a few times when I first saw Twilight (the first one). I made fun at Catherine Hardwicke's vision of the blue air in Forks, the red-eared vampires, blue-skinned Bella, etc. Ok, that's not entirely true: I still do. Every time I watch it, I find it cheesy. And what to say of the peacoat, with the propped up collar, and the perfectly tousled/hightlighted 4inch high hair on Edward's head?
Two pale but good-looking people. He happens to have golden eyes. She's translucent-skinned.
Like many people, I was curious to see if it would be better, when I learned Catherine would not direct the second installment. Be careful what you wish for, they say.
Well dear Catherine, please accept my belated apology. I'm sorry. I was wrong, you were right. Overwhelming cheesiness, at which I shrug in front of people to hide how much I wish I was 15 again, was just concealing the amazing job you did at producing the perfect image of the book I loved. Yes, you used blue lens filters throughout the movie. So what? It shows perfectly what's described in the book, and I've actually lived in places where it looks like that half the time. You made me dream about Robward more often than I'm willing to publicly acknowledge. You made me buy the palest shade of mineral foundation I could find, and take it easy on the bronzer. You made me wear headbands again.
Now this, from the Eclipse trailer, I have a problem with:
WTF DID THEY DO TO EDWARD????!!!!
I know morticians who would have done a better job! (maybe that's who they called to do his make-up, because he sure doesn't look like something alive enough for me to fantasize about. I'm not into necrophilia, thank you very much, but no thanks.).
I'm a little unfair, actually, because it all started in New Moon. I don't know if you've read this interview, where the costume designer says she was really careful choosing Edward's costume for New Moon, because it's what we would see him in for most of the movie, and it had to be perfect. Well I've got news for you: it wasn't! It actually really sucked. Looked like the way my grandpa dresses, and he's senile.
17? yeah, right.... Edward you look sick. Not "Whoa, a million bucks? that's sick, bro!", but "I-have-Ebola-I'm-shitting-my-guts-I'm-gonna-die-sick."
I'd hoped that they would have done a better job in Eclipse, but after seeing the trailer, I'm scared. It's even worse than in New Moon. Orange eyes? WTF?! And I tremendously regret the make-up from Twilight. What did they do to him? Cover him in grease and dip him in flour? Please give us the sculpted eyebrows, the red ears, and the grey peacoat from the first movie back!
Hot Edward, please, come back!
As for Bella's look, I'm devastated. What a terrible, terrible wig.
But that's not all. And again, this is true for New Moon too: Bella's supposed to be pale. Did they spray tan her or what? We know Kristen's paler than pale in real life. Why TF did they make her up into an Alyssa Milano look-alike?
Alyssa? Is that you? WTF?!
So again, Kristen, I will always love you. You can drop awards on stage, pole dance for the Sopranos' guy, cough at the Oscars, fuck Ryan Reynolds, and rock out with a mullet, I'll still love you. (oh wait, you already did?)